Ryven's mind wandered, a common occurrence during long surveillance missions. The eyes can only gaze into the depths of space for so long. The mind is given a choice: Focus elsewhere or court insanity. The mind is not equipped to handle the sudden recognition of its own inconsequence.
So, he sat there, jacked in, his mind's borders extended out into the minutia of his Hound-class bomber, unsure of where he ended and where the ship began. It was a familiar feeling, but one that had not been completely deprived of its alien feeling. A mind without clear border seems precariously close to overexpansion, an infinite exponential increase in size, coupled with an inverse relation to clarity.
So, rather than focus on the silence before him, or pondering the existential questions associated with mind-matter integration, he thought of Kat. He hadn't told her he was going to be away on this op. The shadowy man, Kaden, had been fairly clear that he could not divulge to anyone what it was he would be doing. Ryven's side job as an operative was secret even to the State it was purportedly working to protect. Although, as Ryven and Kaden had discussed, the job was bigger than the State. It was about the cluster as a whole. Still, it's easy to be bogged down in considerations of such ideas. Obligation to something greater than oneself can be a delightful trap, sucking one into it to the ruin of everything else in that man's life. Ryven had already ruined one relationship due to his "obligations." Now he was beholden to even greater ones, and yet, his heart bore scars he was not like to forget.
No. He was not going to ruin things with Kat. She had quickly become a central part of his life, having surprised even him in the way she could make him feel. Apart from his ex-wife, Leela, Katerina was the first woman he'd ever asked to move in with him. He had already lost control of his suite, but he didn't mind the trade.
His mind went back to the lessons he had learned. 1) If you're in love with more than one person, you're not in love with one of them. You may love them, but you're not loving them the way you should. He had learned that one when he had fallen for Shalee, losing Leela in the process. He wasn't going to do that again. 2) If you can't tell the person you love what it is you're doing, at least tell them you're doing it and why you can't tell them. Honesty, with attention to balancing obligations, is the essence of relationships.
He had to tell Kat. He made the decision then and there to tell her as soon as he got a chance. It would be up to her whether she could live with it. He really hoped she could. He was happy in a way he hadn't been for some time.
He brought his attention back to the surveillance. Only 40 hours or so left until he could return to the Manor and see her again. He suspected they would be a long 40 hours, and he desperately hoped to gain the information Kaden was needing.
That reminded him of something he had meant to do a few nights prior. He quickly sent out a message to Kaden detailing the strange appearance of Xolve at the Terrace the other night. He had simply appeared with no preamble and had seemed as shocked by it as all of the witnesses to it. Ryven wanted to report on this and also see if Kaden knew anything about it. Most importantly, Ryven wanted to know if it could be a random occurrence caused by some fluke in astrophysics, or if it was the product of something with will.
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